End of First Year

I have just finished my first year of university. It was a real trial, and I’m not sure whether I passed that trial or not. I feel as if I have been broken and shattered. I’ve lost my confidence, my assertiveness, and my self-esteem. All that remains is my core: hope, love, and determination. I must rebuild my confidence, assertiveness, and self-esteem so that the structure is stronger and can stand anything—but I have a feeling that’s going to take a while. Furthermore, I currently have more questions than I do answers. Where I’m going to work for the summer, what I’m going to do next year, where I’m going to live next year, how to make my way in the world…all of these are causing me much anxiety currently and yet I must work to control that anxiety if I don’t want to fall by the wayside. I am anxious and stressed and that has not been at all reduced by the end of university. I am worried about my future, and wish that I had been better prepared for the darkness I would encounter in my life outside my childhood home. I have become disillusioned, and almost as conflicted as I once was as a child. Only time will tell if I can recover from my first year of university….

Published by Devin Hogg

My name is Devin Hogg. I was born and raised in Carnarvon, Ontario, Canada. I moved to Guelph, Ontario, Canada in 2009 for university and lived here ever since. In my free time, I enjoy reading, watching TV and movies, going on long walks, swimming, and practicing Chen style Tai Chi. I love to write poetry and blog regularly about topics such as mental health, sci-fi/fantasy series, faith, sexuality, and politics.

2 thoughts on “End of First Year

  1. i'm feeling quite the same way. i'm sorry we didn't meet up to study. i did no studying whatsoever.let's keep in touch over the summer though ok? i have all those questions too but i can't really handle thinking about them now.. hello escapism. šŸ™‚

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