Well, it’s official, I’m 20 years old now. Seeing as that’s a fifth of how long I hope to live, I thought it would be good to take a look back. I’ve grown a lot over the past 20 years–physically, emotionally, and mentally. I’ve found my place in the world and am pretty happy with it. I’ve overcome a lot of my anxieties and grown confident in my social life, in public speaking, and in a variety of other things. I’ve overcome a lot of my physical difficulties to become a great swimmer, skier, and practitioner of Taoist Tai Chi. I have a lot of really good friends who support me in ways both obvious and not. I can proudly say I’m a nerd, and a fan of Star Wars, Star Trek, Dragonriders of Pern, and Harry Potter to name a few of the biggest ones. I’ve found spiritual fulfillment in Neopagan beliefs and practices. I’ve also found that I am quite good with governmental office work–which bodes well for my future career choice. I’m on track for my degree and am basically at the point where I can take courses that I actually WANT to take. I have a great family who I’ve definitely grown closer to as I’ve grown older. I have a set of ideals and principles that continues to put me in good stead with the world and that I won’t betray for anything–even, I have found, when drunk. I continue to get closer and closer to self-mastery, and am confident that I’ll have achieved self-mastery by the time I’m 30–and that’s the upper limit I’d say. All in all, life is looking pretty good. That said, there has been dark spots. For most of my early life, I was dominated by fear. There have been times when I considered suicide, and many more times where I wished I’d never been born. But now I’ve found peace with myself. Now, I’d like to take the opportunity to attribute my current status to the people responsible and extend a big thank you to my family, my friends, and my teachers–all of whom have helped me become the person I am today. To finish off, it seems fitting to look to the future, where I see myself going: I wish to get an office job in a government ministry or embassy, I wish to achieve self-mastery, I wish to have children, and I wish to find love. I am confident of the first three. I’ve worked in an office for the past three years and as long as I finish my schooling there should be little obstacle to getting a government job. Self-mastery is very close–especially given some techniques I’ve recently developed that seem to be proven effective. Having children is again, relatively assured given enough time–I’ll adopt if necessary. The one thing that I’m still hesitant on is romance. I feel, deep down, that I am not meant for shared romantic love. I have reached the point where I can accept this and feel this with only very slight regret and with full acceptance. This is not to say I couldn’t be wrong–indeed, I would be pleasantly surprised if I was wrong. But it is how I feel, and if it’s the price I pay for remaining true to myself, living with an open heart, and for having so many great friends then I’ll gladly pay it.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven”. Ecclesiastes 3:1