Poem: Battle Against Myself

Pain in my heart,
Separation.
Discord and anxiety;
I hate it when this
Happens to me.

I feel overwhelmed
And isolated.
Fighting tears that
Threaten to well
In my eyes.

I try to reason
Try to ignore the pain
But I fail:
There is no rhyme
Or reason to
The feelings I am
Suffering from.

They come and go,
And go and come again.
They are ever present in
My life.
I try to fight it
But it is a losing battle.
An inner conflict that
Threatens to tear me apart.

I fear I’ll say or do
The wrong thing,
So I do nothing at all.
Pretend that to sit alone
Is the normal state of affairs.

But it is not
And I know it.
I feel alone and
Abandoned.
Now I must wait,
And hope and see.

All will turn out
Well in the end.
I will not let
Despair claim me.
This is the fight of
My life
And for my life
Against myself.

This is the fight
I fight every day
Several times a day.
It is part of who I am.

The stakes are clear.
If I win, I go on living
No matter how bad I feel.
If I lose, I fall into a pit
I did once before
And every day I am in that pit
My life is at risk from myself.

Let us hope I win
This battle against myself.
And continue to win it every
Day of my life.
Or in one instant,
When I falter
My bright spark
May cease to exist
Consumed by the fire within.

Published by Devin Hogg

My name is Devin Hogg. I was born and raised in Carnarvon, Ontario, Canada. I moved to Guelph, Ontario, Canada in 2009 for university and lived here ever since. In my free time, I enjoy reading, watching TV and movies, going on long walks, swimming, and practicing Chen style Tai Chi. I love to write poetry and blog regularly about topics such as mental health, sci-fi/fantasy series, faith, sexuality, and politics.

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