Poem: Hope and Pain

I tell myself
To pull it together
Ignore the cold void in my gut
Refrain from clenching my belly in my grasp
To ease the pain of loneliness.
No one must know
The full extent of the pain
I am bearing.
In the past
Hope lessened the pain
Countered the voices
Telling me I was worth nothing.
Hope is much diminished of late.
I struggle with apathy
Long for death
Take risks
Not caring if death results.
If I die
Merely means the end
Of a life without love.
I wish I could get out of this place
Know I need to find a reason
To hope again
A cause to fight for
To trust in.
For without hope
The pain I bear
May snuff out my life
Slowly but surely.
So I try to love how I can
Hope when I can
And stay alive
For one more breath.