loneliness – Dreamer's Blog

Poem: Hope and Pain

I tell myselfTo pull it togetherIgnore the cold void in my gutRefrain from clenching my belly in my graspTo ease the pain of loneliness.No one must knowThe full extent of the painI am bearing.In the pastHope lessened the painCountered the voicesTelling me I was worth nothing.Hope is much diminished of late.I struggle with apathyLong forContinue reading “Poem: Hope and Pain”

Poem: Armour

ArmourBoth protects and numbs.It protects:My heart from pain;My soul from risk;My mind from despair;My body from intimacy.It numbs:My desire for love;My highest hopes;My capacity for faith;My openness to vulnerability.Tai Chi cultivates chiBy allowing it to flow.Blockages and woundsMelt away in the flow of energy;Incompatible with the armour I wear.ArmourBoth protects and numbs.SpiritGrant me the courageContinue reading “Poem: Armour”

Poem: Transitions

These past few weeksMy world has turnedUpside-downInside out.Routines and rhythmsCertainties and guidepostsDissolved into chaos.I am adrift at seaNo starts to guide my way;I am lost in a dark forestOnly my heartbeat to affirmI’m still alive.This is a time of transitionsUnsure how or whenI’ll find my way out.Hoping against hopeThat love, hope, and faithWill see meContinue reading “Poem: Transitions”

Poem: Losing The Fight

These last few yearsI have fought non-stopBeen beatenBatteredBruised.Have fallen downAlways got back up;Grown in waysI never imagined.Yet I fearI can’t keep going onToo wearyToo beatenToo slow.Always beforeHope was easy to chooseNow seems night impossible.The only way I knowHow to fightIs for someone else.No longer seems likelyThat I ever willHave someone who loves me to fightContinue reading “Poem: Losing The Fight”

Poem: Lost Weight

You look at meAssessing and wondering.You ask,“Have you lost weight?”You say,“You look good!”I know you mean wellSo I speak softly“Yes”, I answer,Hoping affirming a factWill end this inquiry;“Thank you”, I respond,Hoping an acknowledgementWill stop this from going further.I have lost weightI am more muscledPhysically healthier than ever before.Yet this is not causeFor celebration or credit;TooContinue reading “Poem: Lost Weight”

Poem: All Shall Be Well

These daysI am lostDrowning in griefConsumed by painDarkened by despair.My heart is achingWith cold, cold loneliness;My guts are clenchedPain fills my core.Dreams and hopesAre shredded and scattered;I am utterly alone.Had hoped beyond hopeThat this time would be different;What a fool I am!I no longer want to feel this pain.Want someone to share the loadCan’t findContinue reading “Poem: All Shall Be Well”

Poem: Daily Walk

Each day there comes a timeWhen feelings begin to surgeWalls of control begin to slipCracks begin to form.I know thenI have very little timeTo find a place outsideTo stretch my legsAnd move my bodyLet the feelings flow.As fresh air fills my lungsAs wind blows on my faceThe tears begin to flow.I take solace in theContinue reading “Poem: Daily Walk”

Poem: Going Through The Motions

Guts clenchHeart achesEyes waterCold loneliness fills my soul.Pain is my constant companion.I question what a life is worthThat is so lonely;When all who I loveI must let go of too soon;When none whom I loveLove me the same.Yet I am not readyTo give up just yet.So I wake and I showerI eat and I drinkIContinue reading “Poem: Going Through The Motions”

Poem: Struggling These Days

I am struggling these daysConstant ache in my gutConstant fist squeezing my heart.Fighting back tearsMore often than e’er before;Chills coursing down my spinAt all times of the day.My grip is slippingIt’s harder and harderTo find hope;To trust in faith;To believe myselfLovable and worthy of love.I knowFriends and family are onlyA phone call awayYet I can’tContinue reading “Poem: Struggling These Days”

Poem: I Am Not Okay

I am not okay.At workI do my bestGive my allAlways knowingI will never excel.Always fearingThe one mistakeThat will bring it allCome crashing down.I am not okay.At homeI readAnd I write.I push my bodyWork my mindTry to drive the demons awayYet they remainAlways present within me.I am not okay.My guts clenchWith stressWith pain.Tears fill my eyes;LonelinessContinue reading “Poem: I Am Not Okay”