Poem: Never Alone

I walk through the night.
Aching pain fills my heart
Cold, cold loneliness fills my soul
Tears struggle to burst free.
My mind
My beautifully stubborn mind
Refuses to let go.
Maybe..
No!
Maybe it would be better…
No!
…if I died
No! It would not!
Steadily onward I tread
Fighting a battle none can see
Drowning in the dark.
“Venti hot chocolate, please,”
I say to the barista.
The warm drink in my hand
Cheers me for a time
‘Til the dark tide
Comes flooding back.
Round and round
In circles go my thoughts
Seeking escape from the maze.
“If I am not loved
Then I am not living.
If I am not loved
And therefore am not living
Wouldn’t I be better off dead?
If I am always to remain alone
Isn’t better if I die?”
God answers me,
“You are never alone.”
I begin wrestling with God,
“I know, but it’s hard.
I know, but I’m too weak.
I know, but are you sure?”
I. Know. But.
God wrestles back,
“You are strong enough to carry this.
You always have been
You always will be.
Hold on
My beloved child.”
The wrestling ceases.
The dark tide retreats.
Balance is found
And on I walk
Knowing I am never alone.