Poem: Armour

ArmourBoth protects and numbs.It protects:My heart from pain;My soul from risk;My mind from despair;My body from intimacy.It numbs:My desire for love;My highest hopes;My capacity for faith;My openness to vulnerability.Tai Chi cultivates chiBy allowing it to flow.Blockages and woundsMelt away in the flow of energy;Incompatible with the armour I wear.ArmourBoth protects and numbs.SpiritGrant me the courageContinue reading “Poem: Armour”

Poem: Losing The Fight

These last few yearsI have fought non-stopBeen beatenBatteredBruised.Have fallen downAlways got back up;Grown in waysI never imagined.Yet I fearI can’t keep going onToo wearyToo beatenToo slow.Always beforeHope was easy to chooseNow seems night impossible.The only way I knowHow to fightIs for someone else.No longer seems likelyThat I ever willHave someone who loves me to fightContinue reading “Poem: Losing The Fight”

Poem: Lost Weight

You look at meAssessing and wondering.You ask,“Have you lost weight?”You say,“You look good!”I know you mean wellSo I speak softly“Yes”, I answer,Hoping affirming a factWill end this inquiry;“Thank you”, I respond,Hoping an acknowledgementWill stop this from going further.I have lost weightI am more muscledPhysically healthier than ever before.Yet this is not causeFor celebration or credit;TooContinue reading “Poem: Lost Weight”

Poem: All Shall Be Well

These daysI am lostDrowning in griefConsumed by painDarkened by despair.My heart is achingWith cold, cold loneliness;My guts are clenchedPain fills my core.Dreams and hopesAre shredded and scattered;I am utterly alone.Had hoped beyond hopeThat this time would be different;What a fool I am!I no longer want to feel this pain.Want someone to share the loadCan’t findContinue reading “Poem: All Shall Be Well”

Poem: Daily Walk

Each day there comes a timeWhen feelings begin to surgeWalls of control begin to slipCracks begin to form.I know thenI have very little timeTo find a place outsideTo stretch my legsAnd move my bodyLet the feelings flow.As fresh air fills my lungsAs wind blows on my faceThe tears begin to flow.I take solace in theContinue reading “Poem: Daily Walk”

Poem: Struggling These Days

I am struggling these daysConstant ache in my gutConstant fist squeezing my heart.Fighting back tearsMore often than e’er before;Chills coursing down my spinAt all times of the day.My grip is slippingIt’s harder and harderTo find hope;To trust in faith;To believe myselfLovable and worthy of love.I knowFriends and family are onlyA phone call awayYet I can’tContinue reading “Poem: Struggling These Days”

30th Birthday Reflections

Today is my 30th birthday! As is my habit, I thought I’d share some reflections on the past and some hopes for my future. This year, I find myself looking back not only on the past year, but on my twenties as a whole. I recall that, upon entering my twenties, I thought that myContinue reading “30th Birthday Reflections”

Poem: I Am Not Okay

I am not okay.At workI do my bestGive my allAlways knowingI will never excel.Always fearingThe one mistakeThat will bring it allCome crashing down.I am not okay.At homeI readAnd I write.I push my bodyWork my mindTry to drive the demons awayYet they remainAlways present within me.I am not okay.My guts clenchWith stressWith pain.Tears fill my eyes;LonelinessContinue reading “Poem: I Am Not Okay”

Poem: Spring 2021

As evening draws nearI walk the pathHeavy weight on my shouldersGut clenchedTears pricking at my eyes.People all aroundClustered in groupLaughing and chatting.I walk alone.Loneliness risesThreatens to drown meIn dark despair.I’m tired of being alone.Longing for love:To be reminded ofLight and life;To find reliefFrom constant struggle.I look aheadSee no end to his pain.Cry out the LordForContinue reading “Poem: Spring 2021”

Poem: Time Drags On

Tik-tok.Tik-tok.Time drags on.I trudge onOne footThen the other.Weariness fills my soul.My body aches in protest.My mind screams in anguish.What is there to hope for?What is there to fight for?In a life without love?“Lord,” I cry“Help me to hold onHelp me to choose hopeHelp me to trustThat love will come”.The Lord answers me,“Trust your feelings.You areContinue reading “Poem: Time Drags On”