Poem: Of Hope And Heartbreak

I am struggling of late.Trying to hold onto hopeTrying to push throughThe constant pain in my chestThe constant ache in my guts.I knew from the beginningThat I would fall all too easilyThat if I didHistory would repeat itselfThat this timeMight be one time too manyFor this ever hopeful heart of mine to bear.Fool that IContinue reading “Poem: Of Hope And Heartbreak”

Poem: Bittersweet Friendship

We sit togetherAround the fireLaughingTalkingSharing.I feel bittersweet:Happy to be hereAfraid it won’t last;Knowing I will mess upTrying not to assume too much;Bracing myselfFor the inevitable loss.We walk togetherThrough the forestMaking memoriesSharing experiences.My heart achesAs I find so much joySo much loveBut till feel lonely.I resolve to enjoy these timesTo dwell in these momentsTo face theContinue reading “Poem: Bittersweet Friendship”

Poem: Struggling These Days

I am struggling these daysConstant ache in my gutConstant fist squeezing my heart.Fighting back tearsMore often than e’er before;Chills coursing down my spinAt all times of the day.My grip is slippingIt’s harder and harderTo find hope;To trust in faith;To believe myselfLovable and worthy of love.I knowFriends and family are onlyA phone call awayYet I can’tContinue reading “Poem: Struggling These Days”

Poem: Rule-Breaker

Before I met youBuilt a wall around my heartSwore not to fall againSo fastSo hard.Built moats to separateMy different circlesGuarding againstFuture disappointments.When you came into my lifeWalls came tumbling down;All my barriersCrumble awayWhen you are around.You bring out the rule-breaker in me.You break out the risk-taker in me.That is rare indeed!Yet more than thatYou makeContinue reading “Poem: Rule-Breaker”

30th Birthday Reflections

Today is my 30th birthday! As is my habit, I thought I’d share some reflections on the past and some hopes for my future. This year, I find myself looking back not only on the past year, but on my twenties as a whole. I recall that, upon entering my twenties, I thought that myContinue reading “30th Birthday Reflections”

Poem: Entrenched In My Heart

Entrenched In My Heart My heart is full tonightOf love and pain.I tried to keep my distance,Temper my hopes,Build walls around my heart;all my efforts are for naught.You mean more to meThan I can ever say.I know I cannot give you what you desire.I know I cannot be the man you want for all time.IContinue reading “Poem: Entrenched In My Heart”

Poem: I Am Not Okay

I am not okay.At workI do my bestGive my allAlways knowingI will never excel.Always fearingThe one mistakeThat will bring it allCome crashing down.I am not okay.At homeI readAnd I write.I push my bodyWork my mindTry to drive the demons awayYet they remainAlways present within me.I am not okay.My guts clenchWith stressWith pain.Tears fill my eyes;LonelinessContinue reading “Poem: I Am Not Okay”

Book Reviews: Ace, Come As You Are, and I Love Jesus But I Want To Die

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen This book was recommended to me by a friend and is well-worth the read! The author identifies as an asexual and does a good job of both summarizing the diversity in the asexual and aromantic communities, as well as pointingContinue reading “Book Reviews: Ace, Come As You Are, and I Love Jesus But I Want To Die”

Day by Day: On Anxiety, Depression and Hope

34 “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” –Matthew 6:34 (NRSV) I’ve been reflecting on these words recently, spoken by Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew today. I will share my musings in the hope that they bring some peace and hope toContinue reading “Day by Day: On Anxiety, Depression and Hope”

Poem: Spring 2021

As evening draws nearI walk the pathHeavy weight on my shouldersGut clenchedTears pricking at my eyes.People all aroundClustered in groupLaughing and chatting.I walk alone.Loneliness risesThreatens to drown meIn dark despair.I’m tired of being alone.Longing for love:To be reminded ofLight and life;To find reliefFrom constant struggle.I look aheadSee no end to his pain.Cry out the LordForContinue reading “Poem: Spring 2021”