Poem: Losing The Fight

These last few yearsI have fought non-stopBeen beatenBatteredBruised.Have fallen downAlways got back up;Grown in waysI never imagined.Yet I fearI can’t keep going onToo wearyToo beatenToo slow.Always beforeHope was easy to chooseNow seems night impossible.The only way I knowHow to fightIs for someone else.No longer seems likelyThat I ever willHave someone who loves me to fightContinue reading “Poem: Losing The Fight”

Poem: All Shall Be Well

These daysI am lostDrowning in griefConsumed by painDarkened by despair.My heart is achingWith cold, cold loneliness;My guts are clenchedPain fills my core.Dreams and hopesAre shredded and scattered;I am utterly alone.Had hoped beyond hopeThat this time would be different;What a fool I am!I no longer want to feel this pain.Want someone to share the loadCan’t findContinue reading “Poem: All Shall Be Well”

Poem: Daily Walk

Each day there comes a timeWhen feelings begin to surgeWalls of control begin to slipCracks begin to form.I know thenI have very little timeTo find a place outsideTo stretch my legsAnd move my bodyLet the feelings flow.As fresh air fills my lungsAs wind blows on my faceThe tears begin to flow.I take solace in theContinue reading “Poem: Daily Walk”

Poem: Struggling These Days

I am struggling these daysConstant ache in my gutConstant fist squeezing my heart.Fighting back tearsMore often than e’er before;Chills coursing down my spinAt all times of the day.My grip is slippingIt’s harder and harderTo find hope;To trust in faith;To believe myselfLovable and worthy of love.I knowFriends and family are onlyA phone call awayYet I can’tContinue reading “Poem: Struggling These Days”

30th Birthday Reflections

Today is my 30th birthday! As is my habit, I thought I’d share some reflections on the past and some hopes for my future. This year, I find myself looking back not only on the past year, but on my twenties as a whole. I recall that, upon entering my twenties, I thought that myContinue reading “30th Birthday Reflections”

Poem: I Am Not Okay

I am not okay.At workI do my bestGive my allAlways knowingI will never excel.Always fearingThe one mistakeThat will bring it allCome crashing down.I am not okay.At homeI readAnd I write.I push my bodyWork my mindTry to drive the demons awayYet they remainAlways present within me.I am not okay.My guts clenchWith stressWith pain.Tears fill my eyes;LonelinessContinue reading “Poem: I Am Not Okay”

Book Reviews: Ace, Come As You Are, and I Love Jesus But I Want To Die

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen This book was recommended to me by a friend and is well-worth the read! The author identifies as an asexual and does a good job of both summarizing the diversity in the asexual and aromantic communities, as well as pointingContinue reading “Book Reviews: Ace, Come As You Are, and I Love Jesus But I Want To Die”

Day by Day: On Anxiety, Depression and Hope

34 “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” –Matthew 6:34 (NRSV) I’ve been reflecting on these words recently, spoken by Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew today. I will share my musings in the hope that they bring some peace and hope toContinue reading “Day by Day: On Anxiety, Depression and Hope”

Poem: Spring 2021

As evening draws nearI walk the pathHeavy weight on my shouldersGut clenchedTears pricking at my eyes.People all aroundClustered in groupLaughing and chatting.I walk alone.Loneliness risesThreatens to drown meIn dark despair.I’m tired of being alone.Longing for love:To be reminded ofLight and life;To find reliefFrom constant struggle.I look aheadSee no end to his pain.Cry out the LordForContinue reading “Poem: Spring 2021”

Poem: Time Drags On

Tik-tok.Tik-tok.Time drags on.I trudge onOne footThen the other.Weariness fills my soul.My body aches in protest.My mind screams in anguish.What is there to hope for?What is there to fight for?In a life without love?“Lord,” I cry“Help me to hold onHelp me to choose hopeHelp me to trustThat love will come”.The Lord answers me,“Trust your feelings.You areContinue reading “Poem: Time Drags On”