Poem: Vocation

I find myself
Struggling to fit
In a vocation
Purposeful and true.
I am not a teacher
Pastor or administrator.
I am a poet
Mystic and wanderer
A dreamer.
Not easy
To be paid
For such things.
I try to tell you
This is me
Broken guts
Anxious mind
Depressed heart
And all.
I live with it
The only other choice
Is to die.
You want me to be normal
To fit in
To make money.
Yet you fail to see
The lessons you taught me
When I was young:
To trust my feelings
Not follow the herd
Do what was right
Not what was easy.
Your version of success
Is very different from mine.
You get meaning
From outside things
Family and friends and the work that you do.
I make my own meaning
Secure in my place
In the heart of God.
How do I reassure you?
How do I make you see
I am not normal?
I never will be.
I can only ever be
Beautifully me.