Poem: Lost Weight

You look at me
Assessing and wondering.
You ask,
“Have you lost weight?”
You say,
“You look good!”
I know you mean well
So I speak softly
“Yes”, I answer,
Hoping affirming a fact
Will end this inquiry;
“Thank you”, I respond,
Hoping an acknowledgement
Will stop this from going further.
I have lost weight
I am more muscled
Physically healthier than ever before.
Yet this is not cause
For celebration or credit;
Too much depends on quirks of biology
For that to be due.
I want to keep my focus
On what my body can do
Not what it looks like
Or the measurements it shows.
There’s a darker side too
Invisible to the eye:
What drove this increase in muscle and performance
Was darkness in my heart and mind.
I pushed my body to the limit
Tore and healed muscles
Pumped blood and air
Fast and furiously
All to quiet
The demons in mind
To ease the pain
Of cold loneliness and despair.
My body may be healthier
My mind and heart are lost than ever.
Hope is harder to choose
Than it’s been in years.
So let’s not talk about my weight
Such things are passing at best;
What matters more to me
Is finding the love I long for.
Weight is without meaning
If I have not love.