Poem: Frustrated At Myself

I carry
A heavy burden.
Feel the cold chill
Down my spine.
The weight
Of all my hopes
Dashed.
All my love
In vain.
I am not
Strong enough;
Wise enough;
Smart enough;
Loving enough;
To be a good friend.
For her to accept me
To love me.
Oh!
If only
I could be
A little bit stronger
A little bit better.
There are times
When I curse
The fact
I’m a marked man.
Wired
The way I am.
“Oh Lord,”
I cry,
“What purpose is there in this?
What is a life worth
Without love?
Constantly harming?
Constantly fucking up?
Lord,
I am so weary.
Can’t I lay down
The weary load yet?
Stop feeling this pain
Simply rest?”
“No,” The Lord answers me,
“Not ye.t
Have faith
All will work out.”
I struggle to
Hold onto hope
Hold onto life
Fight
For every breath.