Poem: Struggling These Days

I am struggling these days
Constant ache in my gut
Constant fist squeezing my heart.
Fighting back tears
More often than e’er before;
Chills coursing down my spin
At all times of the day.
My grip is slipping
It’s harder and harder
To find hope;
To trust in faith;
To believe myself
Lovable and worthy of love.
I know
Friends and family are only
A phone call away
Yet I can’t reach out
When everything
And everyone
Are so tangled up
In what pains me the most.
So I drive my body harder
Harder and harder;
I swim;
I walk;
I dance;
I practice;
Until sweat drips down my skin
My muscles scream in protest
My legs are barely able to stand
My breath is hard to find.
For a time
A brief eyeblink of time
The demons in my head subside.
I am struggling these days
Don’t know how Ill make it through.
All I can do
is focus on taking
Each next right step
And must what hope I can
That brighter days will come.
May them come soon.